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Hey!!

Hi!!!

So about 10 weeks ago, I claimed I'd be writing a ton. Clearly I've lied at this point.

I've had quite a bit going on. Let's run it down. I like lists!

1. Work

It's been busy, which is a great thing. And then sometimes it's been dead. Which is NOT a good thing. It's tough to get used to having your own office. There's weeks where you are on top of the world, and then there's months like this month, where I still haven't paid my rent yet. Whoops! Seriously though, overall it's been a good move, I just need to continue to diversify, and go from there. I had a feeler or two from a bigger firm in town to see if I'd be interested in a jump. I'm not.

2. School

I absolutely and totally miscalculated the amount of time pursuing my LLM was going to take. While it's going to be totally worthwhile when done, it's taken up a ton of time, and I'm glad I have a couple months off now. I did really well in two courses (although I should have done better in one of them) and just flat out bad in the other. I found one course to be maddening, and frankly didn't put in the time I should have. Basically I pissed myself off here.

3. Life

Gah. I don't even know what to say anymore. I just back from Vegas which was a blast. This is going somewhere...I swear. I went out there with three old friends, a guy I've known since we were 12, he lives FAR away now. And his two college roomates, one who I'm very good friends with as he lives somewhat close, and his other roomate who I am friendly with, but really got to know him well this trip. This is the original Vegas crew from 03. It's the first time we've all been together since 06, and the first time in Vegas since 04...so it's been a long time.

ANYHOW. We had a blast. heavy booze, gambling, making fun of each other. the typical shit we all do when we're together. But it's different now, these guys all have families now. One of the guys and I were sitting at the sports book, when he took out his cell phone, and said, this is the reason you want to settle down at some point, and played a message from his son, who had left a message saying "Just wanted to say good morning daddy."

For all the people I see in shitty relationships, this dude gives hope. He claims (and I believe it) that him and his wife have fought one time in their lives. period.

SO the trip overall was obviously a blast. Now I'm home, and Im confronting some of the obvious issues in my life. I've claimed over and over again I'm going to get into shape. I don't think i ever figured out the proper way to do that. But now I'm making an effort to stay active and eat healthy. I haven't had snack food or anything like that since before I went to Vegas, which for me is big. I'm trying to do something cardio based 5-6 times a week, and eventually add 2-3 days of weightlifting as well.

I want to stay healthy. I see how bring out of shape hurts people. I also see the issues my dad faces. My dad was never out of shape, and he was a smoker, so obviously there's differences, but my dad has been ill for 10 years now. Non-hodkins Lymphoma, now has liver damage from all the chemo over the years, a touch of emphesema. He had to leave a great job, and now works part time.

He and my mother experience terribly financial problems now. That what happens when you go from making 100k a year to 20k. He can't handle a full time job, his health fails any time he tries to do anything beyond relaxation. it's sad, and frusterating.

Today he was telling me how he's decided not to continue with any medication which costs them out of pocket. He was telling me about a two week IV treatment he was going through. It cost 40k. Insurance only covered 90%. They have to fork over 4k for 14 IV treatments. I'm not kidding. In America we are resorting now to refusing medical treatment, so your spouse doesn't end up in financial disaster.

Is this the America that we all envisioned? Is this the America that everyone wants to come to? I don't fucking think so.

There's something tough about listening to your father pour his heart out to you. He's gone through a lot, and isn't in a good place. I feel so badly for him, and wish to God there was something I could do for him.

I can only do things for myself. I figure if I live a extremely healthy lifestyle from here onwards, I can give myself a chance to avoid what my father goes through every day. We have longevity in my family thankfully, but we also have a bad history of cancer, and alcoholism. Therefore, it's time to live healthy, and cut back on my booze intake. I don't have a problem, but if I continue to go out in the fashion I have for the last year or two, I have a great chance of developing one. So it's time to be a little more mature. Hell...better on the wallet too...

I also intend to start cleaning up my life. Over the past few weeks I've realized I have people in my life that I just plain don't like. For the most part, I'm not talking about my true friends, rather people who have been on the periphery of my life for awhile. I've attempted to just be the docile nice guy, which role I've been playing for about 10-11 years now. (Before that I was a complete asshole). I find it increasingly hard to just go along with idiots and the shit that spout off. I just can't do it anymore. If that means taking myself out of and away from these situations, that's exactly what I'll do. I spend a lot of time in my life trying to ensure everyone else's happiness. I don't spend nearly enough time ensuring mine.

As for my friends, most of them are fantastic. Really. No BS. I have some of the greatest friends in the world. Incredibly blessed in that sense. And then there's some who just take take and take and don't give shit. I'm not a very needy person. At all. I don't require daily affirmation or puffery. But even I tire of conversations that are 100% about the other person. I know people appreciate the fact that I listen to them, rather than concentrate on the next topic IM going to speak about, but some people just take that too far. Whatever. Fuck em.

I believe the girl I went out with a couple times gets home from her three vacation/conferance palooza next weekend, so I'll probably be hanging with her sometime soon, which is nice. She's a lucky girl, she's buying me low right now....when I get ripped, she'll have an asset. (Im kidding obviously, we'll probably hate each other before July begins). Seriously though, it'll be nice to hang out with someone with potential, and we'll see what happens.

This has been a poorly directed, rambling mess of a post, but this is what happens when you need to get some shit down on paper, but are overtired due to the Celtics game.

I promise the next blog (which will take MUCH less than 10 weeks to post) will get back to its typical focus.